Plain China

Saint Anthony (the keeper of lost things)

by Mollyhall Seeley · New York University
Map, Lathan Vargason · Maryland Institute College of Art

Saint Anthony mostly goes by El Capitán. I call him patroncito because it drives him crazy (he’s a terrible racist). Usually he won’t see me because he says that I don’t lose things, I ignore them. But even he has to admit I need his services after the smell of steam and mouthwash makes me suddenly start weeping. My hair is still wet and I’m wearing only a towel (Saint Anthony is a bit of a pervert). He asks if my grandmother baked pies, and I say no, so he asks if I knew anyone that died in a sauna, and I say no, and he says right, that’s it, I give up, I’ll just give you something else if you’ll stop calling me at four in the morning because you can’t remember what you’ve dreamt. Okay, patroncito. Saint Anthony shuffles through his briefcase and pulls out Anastasia’s diadem but I refuse because I’m not convinced she won’t someday rise again and need it. You’re a pain in my ass, says Saint Anthony, and suddenly I remember Norm Jacobs standing as close to me as anyone has ever stood, skin emanating sweaty heat in cold February, saying Yo, Bunny, you minty fresh (now he’s dating a fifteen-year-old). Saint Anthony raises his eyebrows and asks incredulously, a boy that called you Bunny made you cry? And I say yeah, that’s just it, patroncito, he’s the only one that ever has.

About the Author

Mollyhall Seeley · New York University

Mollyhall Seeley graduated with honors from NYU with a degree in anthropology and comparative literature. She works for a publishing company in Chicago and writes for The Pink Puck. She also runs two writing blogs, Mollyhall Writes Things and The Mundane Saints Society, of which this poem is a part. It originally appeared in NYU’s West 10th Street literary journal.

About the Artist

Lathan Vargason · Maryland Institute College of Art

Lathan Vargason grew up in a small town in the middle of Kentucky, and now studies painting at Maryland Institute, College of Art in Baltimore. His work transcends traditional elements to create striking and personal narratives for his audience. He was a 2012 U.S. Presidential Scholar in the Arts. The Adroit Journal is an unaffiliated, international literary journal edited by undergraduates.